Inconceivable — Wine

Yesterday was Mother's Day here in the US. It was hard. Shitty even. S is for shitty.  You'll get the pun in a few. Also, this post is not censored for profanity. I let it fly freely. It started off like any other family gathering day. Well, after I could rally myself to get out of bed. I'd much prefer to just lay there with Tallie. Wake up, eat breakfast, down some coffee, start (or finish) whatever dish I was tasked with taking. This year was dessert - cupcakes for everyone! ...Then I wished a group of fellow IVF'ers (most with...

Tomorrow is my birthday. My 30th birthday. T is for thirty. It would also have been our due date if the May 22nd transfer would have worked. It might be a little rough. I'm not really looking forward to it. I planned on having a toddler by the time I was thirty. Instead, I'm still waiting. Impatiently waiting...as much as I try...patience is a virtue, and I seem to be running low on that one lately. We're going out for dinner, with our neighbors. To a fancy restaurant. Where I will eat. And drink. Possibly a lot. I'm pretty sure I'm...

My sister in law committed suicide on September 29th. It's been a lot. A lot of changes. A lot of emotions. A lot of resent. R is for resent. She left FOUR children behind. A 14 year old boy (P). An 8 year old girl (B). Both from previous relationships, but still my family. She and my brother had two children together. My sweet, sassy, cuddly nephews. One celebrated their 2nd birthday 1 week after her passing (L). The other, less than 18 months older, is now 3.5 (G). She had her demons—don't we all. She struggled with substance abuse. Kratom....

Beta day. Baffled. Buying 4 bottles of wine.  At 10 am I had my blood drawn to check my beta hCG level, as well as estradiol (estrogen) and progesterone. Around 1 pm, while at the grocery store, I logged in to my patient portal to check for results. There they were, staring back at me. <0.100 Negative. Again. I expected it, thanks to the home test I took when I woke up this morning...but it still hurts to have it confirmed. I headed to the snack aisle and stocked up on some sour patch kids and chips and queso. My phone rang....