Inconceivable — Prayer

Today was our due date. July has been rough. What should have been a happy month, where we finally got to meet our sweet bundle of joy, ended with a harsh reminder that they're gone. On top of all that, we had another embryo transfer. The date 7.14.21 -surely- had to be a sign, with 7 being my lucky number. With beta 10ish days later, we were hoping for some good news, just in time. We got it. On Wednesday the 21st, my home test showed two lines. With a plan to start blood thinner injections before discontinuing the steroid,...

Yesterday was Mother's Day here in the US. It was hard. Shitty even. S is for shitty.  You'll get the pun in a few. Also, this post is not censored for profanity. I let it fly freely. It started off like any other family gathering day. Well, after I could rally myself to get out of bed. I'd much prefer to just lay there with Tallie. Wake up, eat breakfast, down some coffee, start (or finish) whatever dish I was tasked with taking. This year was dessert - cupcakes for everyone! ...Then I wished a group of fellow IVF'ers (most with...

Today I had my first ultrasound in almost a year. Well, except for the emergency room visit. W is for Wanda. Everyone's favorite friend. Dr. B was running a little late. Darn those other women and their eggs. I remember my Nurse Coordinator telling me that ovaries don't know what day it is (about working holidays). Apparently they don't know what time it is either... So I waited. Half naked. Covered by an over-sized paper napkin. Just me and the ultrasound machine. Wanda. Should I play with her? Roll the giant track ball around a bit?  Would they know? I mean,...

It's National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) again and this year's theme is #infertilityuncovered  #NIAW19 So, let’s get uncomfortable. Let's talk about the #1in8 couples who are diagnosed with infertility. Last year I focused on the facts, this year I’m focusing on me. No sugar-coating here, so buckle up. In case you missed it, or need a refresher here's part 1: My first facebook post about our struggle This week also means it has now been over *4.5 YEARS* since Chad and I started trying to start a family. To some people, that may seem ridiculously long, but to others, that's just the tip of...

My sister in law committed suicide on September 29th. It's been a lot. A lot of changes. A lot of emotions. A lot of resent. R is for resent. She left FOUR children behind. A 14 year old boy (P). An 8 year old girl (B). Both from previous relationships, but still my family. She and my brother had two children together. My sweet, sassy, cuddly nephews. One celebrated their 2nd birthday 1 week after her passing (L). The other, less than 18 months older, is now 3.5 (G). She had her demons—don't we all. She struggled with substance abuse. Kratom....