Turning my storm into someone else's rainbow
Turning my storm into someone else's rainbow
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Let's talk numbers...

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It's been a while since I posted about our journey, so here goes.

Buckle up and grab some tissues.


First the statistics:


1 in 8 couples struggles with infertility.


1 in 4 pregnancies ends in a miscarriage.


18 US states currently have a mandate to cover or offer some form of infertility coverage


12 of those states mandate qualified employers to offer IVF coverage


$23,000, the average cost of an IVF cycle in the US, including medication


Now some personal ones:


Chad and I have been trying to start a family for 6 years and counting


We've gone through two medicated IVF cycles

We've been at 2 IVF clinics

Two embryos failed to implant


We have transferred 3 embryos


On November 18th, 2020, 6 days after our 3rd FET, I saw my first ever positive pregnancy test (okay, let's be real, I took 6)


On November 21st, we got our first ever positive beta hCG results of 571, followed by another positive of 938, followed by another of 4089.


On December 11th, Chad and I saw our sweet little blob for the first time. Baby D was measuring a little small, but we were able to see and hear the heartbeat for the first time. Our RE said it was very strong at 132 bpm. We also learned I had a small subchorionic hematoma (SCH) and was told light duty for the next week.


On December 18th, only I was allowed back for the scan (thanks covid) but was relieved to see the little blob had grown, looked more like a shrimp, and was measuring on track with a heartbeat of 170bpm. No sign of the SCH. Dr Wu mentioned the amniotic sac was a little small, but said it usually corrects itself and to stay hydrated. I was told we had officially "graduated" from the fertility clinic, and was given a onesie and a book. Chad gave me a puzzled look when I came out to the waiting area, and I kind of yelled "they gave us the boot" to him, which made the receptionist laugh.

Insurance changed during open enrollment, so we were told we could come back for another scan if we wanted, for reassurance, before we established care at the OB. A fun, extra view of our healthy little shrimp baby.


December 29th, only I was allowed back for the scan again. At 9w + 3 days, the fellow couldn't find the heartbeat. The RE couldn't find the heartbeat.

I sat there, alone, feet still in stirrups, while the RE with the worst bedside manner I've even encountered grilled me on symptoms, what my last scan looked like, and then told me they could "have the tissue tested, free" by the same company who did the pre genetic testing. She then proceeded to tell me it was "too soon to tell" and that the machines in radiology are better, so she'd see if there was an opening today.


I messaged Chad an update, got dressed, and sat there for over a half an hour (36 minutes) alone, waiting for an update. After several pity filled glances, I asked if Chad could come back or if I could go to the waiting room with him. A few minutes after I went out front, the MA came out and told me radiology was ready.


The technician let Chad come back for the scan. I wasn't alone. She told us she couldn't say anything, but she figured we were smart and could somewhat interpret the results. After scanning the whole uterus, ovaries, fallopian tubes, cervix, etc, she focused in on the Amniotic Sac.

It was there, but measuring small. She then measured the baby, RCL. It measured the same as it did at the last scan, 7 weeks + 5 days.

Things weren't looking good.

The last measurement she took was the heartbeat.

A flatline.



For 41 days, Chad and I were going to be parents.

For 41 days, 2020 was good.


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