Turning my storm into someone else's rainbow
Turning my storm into someone else's rainbow
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Hopes and Dreams

Baby Dragon Beta Day Chemical Pregnancy Embryo Transfer Fertility In Vitro Infertility IVF Miscarriage MyInfertilityStory Negative Prayer Real Life Update

Today was our due date.

July has been rough.

What should have been a happy month, where we finally got to meet our sweet bundle of joy, ended with a harsh reminder that they're gone.

On top of all that, we had another embryo transfer. The date 7.14.21 -surely- had to be a sign, with 7 being my lucky number. With beta 10ish days later, we were hoping for some good news, just in time.

We got it. On Wednesday the 21st, my home test showed two lines. With a plan to start blood thinner injections before discontinuing the steroid, we had a plan. Things were looking up.

Beta was Friday 7/23.

It came back positive, but barely.

<5 is negative. Mine was 6.

I had to wait 2.5 hours for my nurse to call with an update.

We would repeat the test on Monday, but it wasn't looking very promising. We were told we could stop the hormones.

Still hoping for miracle, we decided 3 more days of shots was worth not having any what-ifs.

On Monday, my beta hcg level was 1.

Expected, but still a blow.

A chemical pregnancy was confirmed.

"Baby is the size of a raspberry" will be forever ingrained in my mind. It was the last update from my pregnancy app, before it was deleted.

I've followed a shop on Etsy for years. Admiring, window, shopping, and eventually purchasing a beautiful, blown glass reminder of what was.

Today was our due date.

It is also the day my body decided to remind me that this last pregnancy did not make it either.

Thanks body, you really know how to treat a girl. 

Today is also the day that I finished a project.

All of our embryo and ultrasound pictures, gifts, cards, etc. All of our hopes and dreams for our sweet baby girl, reduced to memories and mementos wrapped up in a box. 

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