Inconceivable

How did we get here. H is for Hell. The period from Hell.  AF has shown her face, and boy is she pissed. Cramps, back pain, PMS like you wouldn't believe. Poor Chad... I want to curl up in bed with the heating pad and the cat, but I have orders to fill. Ugh. At least this gets us one step closer to - well, whatever our next step is. We go in on the 18th to find out. Wish us luck, we need it.  

Beta day. Baffled. Buying 4 bottles of wine.  At 10 am I had my blood drawn to check my beta hCG level, as well as estradiol (estrogen) and progesterone. Around 1 pm, while at the grocery store, I logged in to my patient portal to check for results. There they were, staring back at me. <0.100 Negative. Again. I expected it, thanks to the home test I took when I woke up this morning...but it still hurts to have it confirmed. I headed to the snack aisle and stocked up on some sour patch kids and chips and queso. My phone rang....

T is for Transfer. Embryo Transfer Day.  One of the scariest, most nerve wracking days of this whole process. But with Valium, to relax the uterus. Okay, and maybe me, but just a little.  Arrival time, 1:45 pm. Go time, 2:30 pm. We planned for traffic and a possible bridge lift...of course there were neither. We pulled into the parking lot at about 12:50 pm. Oops. Oh well, now we can be fidgety in front of the receptionist instead of at home.  A full bladder is necessary, I am expected to drink 32 oz of clear liquids in the hour leading up...

So I may have lied to you all in my first post. We knew exactly when the next transfer would be. The 22nd. Two and a half weeks from today. EEK!  Any of you who have been through this process know exactly what that means. Injections. I is for injections. I is also for I lied. I am a horrible person. Or a private one....however you want to look at it. After losing my father, grandmother, grandpa and great aunt all in about 18 months, I have a strong aversion to the phrases "I'm sorry" and "I'm sorry for your loss" ... almost as much...

Today I would like to talk to you about the F word. No, not that one.   I'm sure you've heard that one enough for today. This F word is different. This F word is personal. It's raw. It's real. It's painful. It's not talked about enough. Or, when it is talked about, it's dirty. No, it's still not *that* F word. Today I want to talk to you about FERTILITY, or rather about those who struggle with fertility. An even dirtier word. INfertility. There. I said it. Infertility. "Not getting pregnant despite having carefully timed, unprotected sex for one year."...