Inconceivable

Tomorrow is my birthday. My 30th birthday. T is for thirty. It would also have been our due date if the May 22nd transfer would have worked. It might be a little rough. I'm not really looking forward to it. I planned on having a toddler by the time I was thirty. Instead, I'm still waiting. Impatiently waiting...as much as I try...patience is a virtue, and I seem to be running low on that one lately. We're going out for dinner, with our neighbors. To a fancy restaurant. Where I will eat. And drink. Possibly a lot. I'm pretty sure I'm...

Today I contacted my Nurse Coordinator to let her know our break would be longer than we originally planned. W is for waiting. I've had my nephews quite a bit since the end of September. My brother works full time, and although the 3.5 year old (G) is in preschool, it's only 2x a week, for about 3 hours each time. My mom (Grandma) has both kids pretty much full time, so I've stepped in to help as much as I can. The 2 year old (L) is getting smarter each day, and along with that comes the sass and defiance,...

My sister in law committed suicide on September 29th. It's been a lot. A lot of changes. A lot of emotions. A lot of resent. R is for resent. She left FOUR children behind. A 14 year old boy (P). An 8 year old girl (B). Both from previous relationships, but still my family. She and my brother had two children together. My sweet, sassy, cuddly nephews. One celebrated their 2nd birthday 1 week after her passing (L). The other, less than 18 months older, is now 3.5 (G). She had her demons—don't we all. She struggled with substance abuse. Kratom....

ORM seems to be having some communication issues, and our cycle has been cancelled due to us receiving contradicting information from one person to the next. D is for dropping the ball. Chad and I have sent a letter to ORM stating there are several issues that need to be addressed and corrected before we are willing to move forward. Aside from those issues, I really just need a break, both physically and emotionally, from all of this. The rest of this year will be IVF-stress free (if only it could be Etsy-stress free as well), and we will start over...

We had a bit of a scare on Saturday. Warning: Graphic post ahead S is for scary. . . . Since our last failed transfer (in May) I have only had one full menstrual cycle....in June. Before IVF, my cycle was like clockwork, every 29 days. I have been having spotting on and off for about the last month. Saturday afternoon I began experiencing abdominal pain, but only on the left side. It was stronger than normal cramps, and reminded me a bit of the ovarian cysts I have had rupture in the past, but not as bad. I had some...